The Receiver

I was in seventh grade and was going through that awkward middle school stage with friends. I was trying to fit in with the “cool crowd,” but was too naïve to realize they were treating me like shit. To my mom, it was very obvious, but I unfortunately had to learn it on my own.

I remember I had a group of the girls over to my house and we were planning Christmas presents for each other, secretly whispering to one what we were getting the other. The next thing I knew they were all faking stomach aches and called their moms to go home. I was so disappointed and didn’t understand what I had done. While they were there I had told one that I got another this awesome Clinique lip gloss set and she promised to keep it a secret. I was so excited about this gift! It was the brand-new sparkly Juicy Tube set.

The next day at school, the girl I was giving the lip gloss set to came up to me in the cafeteria and said, “Becks, I have a lot of lip gloss.” I was so upset. Not only had my other friend broken my trust, but this friend didn’t like the gift I was going to give her. As soon as I walked in the door after school that day, while I was still throwing my backpack on the floor and yanking off my coat, I said to my mom, “I have to get her another present. She said she has a lot of lip gloss.” In my young, naïve mind I didn’t see the immaturity in the situation and that these girls were not being very nice to me. That was when my mom drew the line and she said, “Becky, you are not getting her another present. The lip gloss set is a very nice gift.” I stormed upstairs and slammed the door and the pout session in my room commenced.

***

Although seemingly very trivial, this story is actually fairly significant. It was the first time I learned the hard “receiver” lesson and that you need to pick and choose your friends and the people you surround yourself with wisely. Now that I am 27, I think I have learned quite a bit about this lesson and have surrounded myself with amazing people. Unfortunately, it is a lesson that takes a lifetime to learn and there are always going to be people that disappoint me. The thing is, I see the best in people and I am just hoping for them to respond they way I want them to – or the way I would.

In my last post I talked about having confidence when telling my story; which I have learned is SO important. But, here is the thing, who am I telling that story to? Who is the receiver?

This is a very complicated question for me because I have a hard time telling my story to begin with – so, when do I tell it? To who? The rule of thumb that I have come to follow is, I tell it when I am ready, and feel comfortable telling it (to the receiver). In the past I have “let the cat outta the bag” and received a horrifying response. One particular time I can remember I wanted to just puke and run away. The person made a joke, was completely insensitive and made me feel like an idiot. He was obviously too immature to handle the information and I had not built the relationship with him that I thought we had. Looking back at the situation, I now know that this receiver was not ready, if ever, to receive this information. I wanted him to be, feel and act in a way that he was not capable of. I wanted to return the lip gloss set, buy a different present, and hope for the response I expected.

I recently told my story to two different co-workers. After knowing both of these people for a good amount of time, I got to know what kind of people they are, what they stand for, how caring they are, and was confident they would respond positively. I chose correctly. The first individual simply said, “I know I am supposed to feel bad for you, but that isn't my instinct here. You handle this so incredibly well I just want to say that I am amazed.” That really made me so happy because that is how I aim to live my life. Look fab, exude happiness, kick life in the ass and oh, wait there is that thing going on in the background.

The second individual was just so great. I knew she would be because I just felt that comfort level with her. To be honest, I didn't even get the sweaty palms, heart racing anxiety before telling her. She is already one of my biggest supporters; wanting to come to any speaking engagements I have, help me with my volunteer efforts and read this blog J.

Everyone goes through the “receiver” lesson with friends from middle school, to high school, well into their adult years. I now realize even more so why it is important to surround yourself with amazing people. Life happens. The right receivers won’t even flinch when you tell them something serious and will do everything they can to support you.

Note: To the girls involved in the lip gloss “thing” if you read this I love you dearly. We were in middle school J. Thank you for the lesson and you are among my biggest supporters today – and I of you.