It was an especially busy day in the office. I was helping
my colleague set up for an in-office Back to School product sale for employees.
Of course, communications ended up doing most of the work and our awesome video
guys helped us transfer boxes and boxes of product from the loading dock. My
colleague was running around making sure everything arrived when I looked down
at my phone to see Facebook messages from my Colorado friends (from my life-changing climbing trip with First Descents). I immediately panicked inside because we knew it was
scan day for “LPMuffin.” She was one of the amazing souls I met in Colorado and had just
fought off her cancer before going on the trip…but we feared it was back. I
looked down at my Facebook messages and well, she said it was back, and it was not
good…and she likely had it the whole time we were climbing in Colorado. WTF?! It was in her body when she was scaling rocks like a boss?? I
felt like I was going to vomit and cry and didn’t know what to do because I had
to keep working this event. I sat for a moment and then worked through the fog. I knew this could
happen…meeting all of these cancer survivors…it could come back for any one of
us. I just didn’t think it would happen so fast.
I went back up to my floor and sat in my cube. I knew I couldn’t
hold it together and I just needed someone to be there for me. In the past I
would have held it in, but I’ve learned that is just such a bad idea and it’s ok to allow people to be there for you.
The thought of crying at work though – ah! I went into my boss’ office and sat
in her comfy chair. I was all but three words in when I lost it. She is amazing
and immediately shut her door, grabbed me tissues, and positioned me in the
chair where people couldn’t see me through the glass window of her office. She
let me cry, and she listened. She said something that really made me think
about how I have all these people in my life now that had been sick, were sick,
and could be sick again.
**
Today. Today I celebrated the life of Larry C. at his
funeral. I wrote
about Larry C. about a year and a half ago when Dana Farber awarded him
volunteer of the year. To say Larry had a profound impact on my life would be
an understatement. I got to see Larry just about monthly at our Patient and Family
Advisory Council meetings. Although I didn’t spend a lot of time with him, it
was so easy to see his soul, and who he was and what he had to give.
Larry was calm, humble, smart, compassionate, thoughtful…I
could go on and on. Hearing what his loved ones had to say about him today was
so special. What I saw in him each month was what he lived by. Larry loved the
outdoors and would go on what most would call crazy camping trips in the dead
of winter in the Adirondacks. His friend talked about how Larry never complained
about the heat, the cold, the bugs…the challenge. He remembered Larry’s comment
that, “Any day outdoors is better than a day in the office.” Everyone smiled
and laughed.
Larry cared for his wife when she was ill with cancer for
ten years and after she passed he spent his next ten years helping
others at Dana Farber. He then, ever so quietly, started his own cancer battle
in 2014.
Larry just had such an appreciation. Appreciation for his
family, his ability to give back at Dana Farber and to honor his late wife, the
outdoors…and just being alive.
Not only did I love Larry for who he was and how you were
just drawn to him, but today I reflect on how many gifts he gave me and many
others. He touched so many lives. He is the kind of man that makes you want to
do better and remind yourself every second of every day that life is beautiful
and we must spend our time finding
the beauty in it and appreciating it. I can’t help but find the irony in his
love for the outdoors and what the outdoors has done for me and so many other
First Descents alumni. He was a true angel walking this earth and he is looking
down with his infectious smile right now saying in is typical, humble way, I was just doing my job.
As I was walking out of the funeral with two
friends/employees of Dana Farber, one of them turned to us and said that Larry
wanted his donations directed to our Patient and Family Advisory Council. Well,
wow. Of course he did.
**
After I processed that LP Muffin’s cancer was back, my
friends and I went into full on support mode and began planning our trip up to
Canada. LP Muffin lives her life with such beauty, grace, and adventure. She is
a Yogi that travels the world and the way she handled everything was
remarkable. She throws fear out the damn window. Today, she is doing extremely
well due to a chemo drug with minimal side affects. Her future is unknown, but
that hasn’t stopped her from living for one god damn minute.
My life is SO much fuller with LP Muffin and Larry in it.
Was there pain when LP Muffin relapsed and when Larry was put to rest today?
Yes. Pain, tears, grief…but also abundant gratitude and warmth. They have both
changed my life. How lucky am I? How lucky am I at the age of 29 years old to
continually be reminded that I need to be a better person, shouldn’t sweat the
small stuff, value family and friends, and get out and live! When I am
repelling off cliffs in Thailand next month I will have Larry in my heart – and
when I get scared I’ll remember what the Rabbi said today at the funeral, “Life
is not always about getting to the top, or the summit, we must focus on the
journey.”
